So I sit here on Monday, Decemberfebruarygustly 6th...upset at myself because I know I could have done better in my computer illustration class. My work isnt gonna hold me up, and that sucks...it sucks to have wasted time and soo much effort to even coming to class, for what? A D? Bah...2 absenses, 4 lates...I sucks

But it pisses me off more, because its all bullshit that keeps me from getting good grades. Its always shit like Tardy's and Absenses...and forgetting my FUCKING THUMB DRIVE ::twitch::.....::twitch:: ....:ant:: .....im good....

But its not like I dont deserve an A, or because I'm not cut out to be an artist...its all because of stupid...small things that hold me back.

But then i wonder...maybe im not cut out to be an artist. If these small things are gonna hold me back in the real world, then those are variables that I should be looking at when determining if this is what I wanna do in my life. My teacher said it best today..."This is a deadline oriented field...if you cant do that, then maybe you should get into something else. If you cant be original and creative...get out of our field". And that hurts...because this is what I want to do. More and More...as I see my work come out into production...when I think about my work actually being made and printed...I get giddy...something I havent felt in a while.

I keep saying to myself..."It wont be the same way...it wont be the same way"...I keep saying, "This semester I wont wait till the day before to do work...This semester I won't bullshit around the bush and not do what the professor asks". Today, he asked for a hangtag design...printed...and made up to actually be a hangtag. Pretty much, produce how the final product will look. I did the design...and i said to myself "Fuck it...im tired of doing this design...im bored of it"...when all i had to do was print it out...cut it out...and paste it....

BAH...and what kills me is I've come ALOT further than I was last semester, and I'm still holding on, barely...::sigh::. My hardest wasnt my hardest...>.> stupid Final Fantasy XI got me all hopped up and addicted. <.< No...I got all addicted to that game...the game didnt do anything. This is all my fault, I'm the cause for all my reactions. I gotta work harder!

<.< So tonight, I get home and i'm going to work on my 2D design assignments WHEN I GET HOME! I'll finish all my assignments on time from now on! HUZZAH!